Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Invitation to our Extraterrestrial Neighbors

Click on the link above, read it with an open mind and make your choice. Do we wish for extraterrestrial guides to present themselves to us and give us a step up into the universe where we can finally meet all else who inhabit it and witness its wonders or do we want to be left alone to our own devices and continue down this descending spiral into oblivion.

This article could be a fake but in reality whether it is or isn't doesn't matter. I've always wanted to travel through the vastness of our universe and learn about other beings. Here an opportunity to do just that has presented itself at no cost other than to make a choice and verbalize it. This is easier than voting because it's a simple choice that you can do from the comfort of wherever it is you're sitting right now.

Do I, Boko Great, wish that you show up?

I am a God Amongst Tabs

So I noticed something very interesting one day. If you read the title you probably guessed that what I noticed was that I am a god. No I don’t mean like how spiritual people say it (that we are all divine being connected in an unfathomable way). I mean I am the sovereign deity of a world with a populace whom I observe and judge as an external being. Just like how religious people use the word “god”.

A world populated by tabs.

I noticed a pattern in my use of tabs which was as follows; I open (create/breathe life into) a tab whenever I need them (whenever I have a specific purpose in mind that each one needs to fulfill). Then I read/watch or do whatever it is I’m gonna do with it and I close it (ending its existence once it has fulfilled its purpose in its life). However the tabs sometimes get carried away and overpopulate their world and I come along, all Old Testament style, and start exterminating them in numbers without them having fulfilled their role in this world. I just decide “you know what there are too many of you mothafuckas and it’s messing with my ram” (which is what I assume the gods in all the holy books think when they send out a plague or pit their followers against the elements). That’s when I choose my true loyal servants (the tabs I still want to read) and mercilessly destroy (close) the others without giving them a second look.

Basically if I think of my Chrome browser as a world, the tabs as the inhabitants and I am the merciless, vengeful and angry god that controls their pitiful little lives at the tips of my fingers. Oh and oftentimes I am oh so very merciless. I guess maybe one day a savior will be opened who will take all their uselessness and be closed for their sins only to reopen again all on his own just to prove that he’s not like any other tabs… So I guess Jesus was probably the result of malware on Earth.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

We’re a Species of Drama Queens and Attention Seekers

Everybody knows that one person, usually bitchy and girlish, who just thrives on creating drama and drawing attention to her/himself. [I guess this person just became a hermaphrodite thanks to political correctness] These people just aren't content when things are calm and peaceful and everybody loves everybody. They itch to pick at tiny little irrelevant things or situations till they become inflamed and angry like a tiny, deep pimple that got scratched, poked and prodded into monstrous proportions and became a big red boil.  I think it’s fair to say we all hate it when these boil-creating herms start plotting and working little schemes even if they're normally our friend the rest of the time. However I am here to tell you to stop judging them because despite the fact that they do this in the most obvious and annoying way imaginable we actually all do it collectively as a species and I think that’s part of the reason we’re here today fighting wars and living in cities as opposed to chillaxing, peacefully in bountiful trees that provide all the comforts we could ever ask for.

Let me explain;
It’s common to see a cow lazing about in a fenced off paddock not giving a damn that she’s an over milked slave who’s destined to become a cheeseburger. She's got grass and sunshine and not a care in the world or a lion pride who have just finished off a couple of gazelles so they lay peacefully around the local watering hole next to their kill’s cousin not even giving them a second look because, fuck it, they’re full and won’t need to eat again for at least half a week so Bloody McGhee’s kin can stand just feet away from them looking at them like they're a “cute widow kitty” knowing full well they’re in absolutely no danger of even being looked at like a piece of meat.  That’s because peaceful animals are quite happy being content their entire lives. As long as they’re fed and fucked on a regular basis you can keep even the most dangerous beasts as pets. Humans though (and when I say humans I mean including some species of monkeys who seem to have followed us down a particularly dark alley of evolution) we can’t stand being content. We all wish for world peace but if we got it we’d be over it within a fortnight. I’ll give you some examples. How often do you hear stories about someone who finds a perfect partner, one who’s got so much in common with them and also knows exactly how to touch them beneath the sheets only to get bored of them months later because they don’t provide enough excitement in their life? Don’t get me wrong there are exceptions to the rule. There are people who, like the humble cow, can find a quiet spot and nap there till they die. However most of us crave excitement in some form or another. You see it in children playing with one another. They’ll do something that they know will hurt their friend just for a laugh and then play it off like they didn't know any better. Or say a very powerful and rich country or corporation, who’s a leader in their field, will do the most inhumane and cruel things just to push themselves up just one more level up the golden pyramid of assholes, despite already having more money and power than they know what to do with.

Don’t misunderstand I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s probably the reason we’re alive today and Neanderthals are not. Coz we got bored with the cushy meadow by the lake where we’d been living for generations and decided to climb over that mountain and kick somebody’s ass just to feel alive. This mentality of non-willingness to settle for being content is what lead to civilizations and structured society. Now back to our hairier cousins, monkeys who exhibit that same kind of erratic or cruel behavior tend to live in larger more organized groups and are generally more intelligent. I can't say whether it was our unwillingness to push on, seeking excitement that made us intelligent or if it’s due to our intelligence that we get bored doing the same thing for very long but the two seem to go hand in hand.

Our inability to just sit peacefully has led to some horrible mistreatment of our fellow man, yes, but it’s also brought us so many benefits. Military research gets turned into awesome non-lethal stuff all the time. The internet is a perfect example of military technology improving more lives than it snuffed out and just recently I read an article where they mentioned that anti-tank missile detectors can be used to detect malaria early enough to do something about it. This lust for drama and excitement that we all share can be a bit annoying at times, especially when it gets genocidal but the silver lining to that dark cloud is that future generations and our species as a whole ends up finding a way to benefit from it.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying let’s stir more shit because there’s gonna be a pot of gold at the end of it all. I think we'd all prefer the pot of gold to not be covered in blood and guts or feces for that matter. Just like every beauty pageant contestant, I too want world peace. However I realize that as soon as we achieve it, if we don’t find something else to keep us entertained quick we're probably going to go insane and murderous with from boredom. So I propose that as a species we start to seek excitement more in the form of climbing over the mountain and maybe even base jumping off it rather than thinking of new and clever ways to murder each other. We should swap the military and space exploration budgets around and, shit, we’ll probably be holidaying on other planets by the end of the decade all while not firing a single rifle at one another because there was only enough money in the budget for guns or bullets but not both.

Anyway moral of the story is if we’re not careful our political correctness can turn unsuspecting hypothetical people into bi-gendered attention hogs that don’t have any facebook friends.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

In an Argument Both Parties are Right till Somebody Wins (This post will most likely, definitely make you a better human being who get's laid constantly)

Like all great epiphanies; from the discovery that fire makes meat taste better to the realization that gravity is a thing, this one came to me after I tried being a smartass in a Facebook comment.

To give you the brief summary:
 The original status post posed the question of who would win in a match between a UFC fighter and all other professional fighters at the same time. My rebuttal was that the question was like asking who would win in a Rock, Paper, Scissors game between paper and all of the above, including paper (since UFC fighters are also technically professional fighters, at least the ones who get paid). This was then met with a brilliant counter argument that since UFC fighters were objectively so much better that all other professional fighters it’s more like a huge, super hard rock (let’s say a corundum boulder) vs scissors, paper and a bunch of smaller tinier rocks (talcum powder). I then admitted defeat and pointed out that the conversation had been a lot like an RPS duel itself and that I was surely not the victor… or was I?

That’s the thing about debates and opinions. No one side is right till they manage to objectively defeat their opponent in a verbal bout of Rock, Paper, Scissors. You keep throwing opinions at each other that you passionately believe in, in an attempt to eventually provide one that trumps your opponent therefore convincing them and everyone in the auditorium, courtyard or party that you believed the thing that is cold hard truth all along whereas your opponent is a predictable idiot who probably still believes in Santa Clause. It’s a rudimentary comparison but in essence it’s perfect.

So next time you have a heated argument with someone. Instead of getting angry, ignoring what they say or repeating the same beat down old point. Look at the whole thing like a game of RPS and think strategically about how to win. After all no one’s ever won an RPS duel by throwing rock repeatedly all over their opponent’s paper and face while yelling “I win!”… oh wait that’s probably how the first fight started… food for thought.  

Oh and here’s a little tip if you ever lose. Calling “Best out of three!” right afterwards is a valid and universally acceptable way to graciously admit loss of the battle without conceding the war.