Thursday, September 25, 2014

Something You Probably Never Noticed About Pigeons

I live in the centre of town, the central business district. Most people I see whilst walking down the street during the day are either going to work, university or are meeting someone for a coffee, lunch, maybe even a movie. My point is that despite the fact that yes some people like myself do live in this neighbourhood (and I’m not talking about homeless people) this is generally a place where people come to work or socialize. At night it’s rife with sweaty party people stumbling about and yelling nonsense at the top of their lungs. This is the place where people come to work or socialize. That’s the function of this place for us humans.

Then again maybe it’s not just us that see it that way. As I said I live here and I noticed something interesting which anyone living in a big city can see too if you just look.

Pigeons seem to use this part of town for exactly the same purpose. I noticed that despite the multitudes of pigeons you might see all over town you only ever see one demographic, teens and adults, i.e those pigeons who have left school and are starting a job and a family. They only do two things here; look for food and socialize. I realised that despite all the pigeons I see flying around, scrounging around for crumbs or picking up chicks (pun totally intended), I never see any dead pigeons anywhere. Nor do I ever see nests or baby pigeons and before you start yelling at your screen that their nests are probably on rooftops or that’s probably where they go to die, that’s not the case (I checked). Pigeons come to town to look for food [go to work] or to look for mating partners [socialize]. Their homes are somewhere else. Probably in some nice uptown suburban neighbourhood where they can send their kids to posh private schools that charge thousands of crumbs to teach flying lessons that the chicks probably would have learnt themselves just by jumping from the nest.
 Now, in all honesty, I have done exactly zero research on the lifestyles of pigeons so this is entirely based on my own observations but I’ve been on several high rooftops around town plus I can see a whole other bunch of them from my balcony and I have never seen a single nest or dead pigeon in town. As for the private schools for the chicks well you can just tell from their smug demeanour that pigeons aren’t the kind of birds that would send their pompous little brats to a public school where they might fraternize with “those filthy” seagulls. That’s right, pigeons are super racist.

“What’s the point of all this?” You’re probably thinking to yourself. I’ll tell you what. The point is that if pigeons realized that they are no different from seagulls and that they are both birds who inhabit the planet earth, bleed red blood and evolved from dinosaurs then maybe they’d send their kids to public schools like normal birds, where the little runts would learn how to deal with a seagull bullying them for the slice of bread that they worked so hard to find instead of just standing around watching the big, white bastard eat their hard earned meal.

Don’t even get me started on sparrows…

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