Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I am a God Amongst Tabs

So I noticed something very interesting one day. If you read the title you probably guessed that what I noticed was that I am a god. No I don’t mean like how spiritual people say it (that we are all divine being connected in an unfathomable way). I mean I am the sovereign deity of a world with a populace whom I observe and judge as an external being. Just like how religious people use the word “god”.

A world populated by tabs.

I noticed a pattern in my use of tabs which was as follows; I open (create/breathe life into) a tab whenever I need them (whenever I have a specific purpose in mind that each one needs to fulfill). Then I read/watch or do whatever it is I’m gonna do with it and I close it (ending its existence once it has fulfilled its purpose in its life). However the tabs sometimes get carried away and overpopulate their world and I come along, all Old Testament style, and start exterminating them in numbers without them having fulfilled their role in this world. I just decide “you know what there are too many of you mothafuckas and it’s messing with my ram” (which is what I assume the gods in all the holy books think when they send out a plague or pit their followers against the elements). That’s when I choose my true loyal servants (the tabs I still want to read) and mercilessly destroy (close) the others without giving them a second look.

Basically if I think of my Chrome browser as a world, the tabs as the inhabitants and I am the merciless, vengeful and angry god that controls their pitiful little lives at the tips of my fingers. Oh and oftentimes I am oh so very merciless. I guess maybe one day a savior will be opened who will take all their uselessness and be closed for their sins only to reopen again all on his own just to prove that he’s not like any other tabs… So I guess Jesus was probably the result of malware on Earth.

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